Things I look for in a Romantic Relationship: NOTE THIS IS A JOKE!

The Guy of my dreams...........



Randomly walks around naked, blinding me with his fabulous body.

The best sense of humor ever, absolutely random and ridiculous and silly.

Joins me in my sock puppet obsession, might even chase me with a sock puppet.

Rebellious when it comes to fitting in with boring normal people. Likes to shock people.

Very long hair that practically glimmers in the sunlight.

Will go Streaking in Heaven with me.

Throws me over his shoulder and carries me away.

Will give me a piggy back ride and carry me around on his back as if he was my magnificent and sexy steed.

Is Very Sassy.

Bats his eye lashes and pouts when he wants something from me. If I am not listening he would start sniffling sadly and then he would grin wickedly and pounce on me and drag to me to the depths of the bedroom. I would squak and he would toss away his clothes and with a snap of his fingers my clothes would be gone. then we'd roll around playing games (wiggles eyebrows flirtatiously) we'd be going at it for hours.

would go swimming naked with me in a vast body of water.

takes me in his arms and bear hugs me while sniffing my hair and kissing me without letting me go.

flies into the air tackling me to the ground and we'd wrestle. then he'd pin me down and he'd kiss me full fledged on the mouth. he would kiss me with so much passion and my heart would soar with love.

when i jokingly say kiss my butt he would pin me to the ground or various furniture and hug my butt close to him with a dreamy far away look in his eyes. then he would kiss my rump and i would scream and then he would pick me up and carry me away and place me on his bed and flip me on my side getting behind me. he would wrap his toned arms around my waist all cuddly and cute. then he would hump me like a rabbit. and he'd go at it for hours while snuggling into me and kissing my neck. at one point he might pretend to be a vampire and bite my neck then i would scream and sigh in relief that he's not actually a vampire at all, but only a sexy hunky guy. sigh...

would dance with me and hold me closer tiny dancer.

spanks me or holds me down and uses my butt as a bongo drum when he feels frisky. yes frisky and cute.

will star gaze with me and gaze at the sky talking to me about anything and everything.

will protect me and be a total macho man even if he is kinda annoyingly silly when he's letting other guy's know I'm his. again he might even smack my butt.

on my birthday he'd create a very sensual atmosphere and light candles and we'd make love the whole day.

on christmas eve night he'd sit naked on the couch and I'd drape over him snuggling into his chest while we sit in front of the fireplace both naked. oh the nakednes sof it all.

on christmas morning he's push me sideways into the snow and walk away like nothing happened. then i chase after him and we'd have a snowball fight. we'd make snow angels. we'd make a snow fort and make love in it as the snowflakes float down above our heads.

in the spring we'd roll around in a flowery meadow and get down and dirty. making out heatedly. again he'd place me on his lap and use my butt like a bongo drum and smack away at my butt. then I'd try and get away and wham! he pull off his shirt and strut around in front of me flexing his pecks and muscles while looking at me flirtatiosuly. I'd stare at him and he'd wink. then we'd dance and skip and frolic.

I'd dance with him in midair in a graceful waltz. it'd be totally romantic. (loud dreamy sigh)

we'd play leap frog and hop over one another.

I'd be reading and he'd lay down in front of me naked making kissy faces at me and moving around in different poses to get my attention.

I'd steal his shoe and run away and he'd chase after me shirtless down the street. then he's jump into the air and tackle me to the ground and squeeze my butt until i squeal and drop the shoe in shock. he'd grab his shoe and set it aside then he pin me against a tree and kiss me all over. I'd try and get away but he'd smirk and pick up his shoe and then grab me and swing me over his shoulder carrying me away while his wide muscular hips rolled sassily in his tight pants.

Would doe si doe with me on top a long table while people are eating. we wouldn't care if our ethereal nonphysical bodies got our feet in their food. it'd be bonkers!

Every day we'd eat cauliflower.

We'd contemplate the rubber duck song and bow our heads in prayer trying to find the truth about the mystery of the adorable rubby ducky. we'd take ten minutes of prayer worshiping the great rubber ducky. the great rubber ducky would sit on top a shrine and we'd listen to the sesame street song 'rubber ducky.' then we'd go swimming in a pool of rubber ducky's. he would hide under the huge pile of rubber ducky's and he'd pop out at me and throw a rubber ducky at my face as it would bonk me on my nose. then he'd dive into the swimming pool of yellow rubber duckies and disappear without a trace. - oh rubber ducky your the one. you make bathtime oh so fun! rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you! rubber ducky joy of joy's. when I fart you squeak out noise. please don't run away rubber ducky! please come back and stay on my lap. oh rubber ducky you know i love you! I do. I'm awfully fond of you! fart for me rubber ducky! fart with me! come on fart! let's all fart together! me and you! farting makes two. forever true! yes my love! me and you! Faaaarrrttttt!!!!! oh my gawd!  you tooted you pooted! (laughs) yes rubber ducky i'm awfully fond of you.

would run down the street like a mad person with me and yell the most random and  absurd things and then i'd say that I farted and he'd make farting sounds and then play with my butt making honking sounds every time he squeezed my left and right butt cheeks. and then I'd sigh and say I farted again and he'd grab my nose and making honking noises. and i would scream and run away and cry out that he stole my nose. he speed walk all weird after me and yell, "Come back! I haven't changed your diaper yet!" I hide behind a tree and put a hand to my heart breathing rapidly. i'd fart and smile. my eyes would look so in love with my fart. he'd find me and run around the tree a couple times and wham! he'd pushed me up against the tree and put his mouth over my nose. he wouldn't bite me. he'd just suck on my nose. then he'd pull away and tell me to sit in his lap. and he'd have a basket of hair accessories and lots of flowers. I'd lay on the grass enjoying the hot summer day and he'd style my hair. I'd smile at him and then when he was done with my hair. he's grab the flowers and throw them in my face yelling, "she's loves me!!!" then he's run away laughing like a crazy man. I would  just sit there and then fall onto the ground making grass angels.